grrr

i am very irritated right now. so im going to vent.

if you say you are going to call someone to drop something off over the weekend.
you do it.
if for some reason you cannot, you call them to tell them so.
that is, if you are a good friend. and i dont mean good as in close, i mean as in a decent person.

you dont wait for that person to call/text you to ask when you are coming by, only to reply that maybe you can drop whatever it is off during the week instead.
clearly you werent going to call at all. just forgot?

i really hate being kept waiting, which is what this probably comes down to.
and i held some of my sunday open to be here for this suitcase to be dropped off.
and this person just keeps pissing me off.
supposedly they consider me one of their best friends, but if this is how they keep treating 'best friends' then id hate to see the total lack of respect that anyone else gets.

i cannot wait to get out of town.
if for no other reason than to get away from the drama that has been happening in my life over the last few weeks. wtf.
where does it come from even?? can i please go back to the quiet times? im sorry i ever wished for a life!

(and there are many more reason that i want to get out of town, im just being dramatic)

ok, thats it for now. but with my mood right now, maybe ill be back to throw more angry vents at you all.
or maybe ill watch more of the wire. halfway through season two now..

jan 20

where does time go? i get a little busy and almost two weeks go by!

lets see.. what went on...
well, i worked alot. and that, in itself, wasnt very exciting at all.

last weekend i went to seattle to watch a warhammer tournament.
yes, the board game.
it was super nerdy and super fun.
but very tiring too, somehow.... standing there watching really takes its toll.
and for some reason i took zero pictures.
i have no good excuse.

this week is more work.
i should be getting excited for my trip, as i leave in 2.5 weeks, but im so busy that i havent gotten there yet.
must work on that.
maybe if i make a list of things i should pack it will spark it off?
hrmmmm..

tonight, i am feeling very emotional.
or maybe sensitive is a better word.

ive been trying to help a friend get an electric piano for his brother, when he comes to visit.
so tonight, i was following up.
he was asking me odd questions, and i couldnt get the number of the girl who was going to lend it to me.
turns out they were all together and taking the piss.
im just really annoyed. should i be?
i dont know if im being irrational here, but my feelings are quite hurt.

the way i see it, im taking time from my personal life, to help out with something that makes zero difference to me if it happens or not.
and they are being dicks.
i am not impressed at all.

maybe im feeling all butthurt that i didnt get invited out?
i dont know.
but boo to this feeling.
its not even pms! arg.


anywho, enough wimpering.
im going to go to bed now.
exciting times i tell ya.
two more days this week. then its only 2 weeks til blast off.

must watch more wire too. ive only gotten 3 episodes down so far.
i have alot of work to do!

jan 7

time flies when youre stressed to the max.
this first week back at work has been hell, as im sure it is for many people.

the last two days of my vacation were nice and relaxing.
i only got out of my pyjamas to go and see sherlock holmes.
sunday i didnt even leave the house. infact, that was the day that it occured to me that i could really get used to rolling out bed when i felt like it and just sitting around all day figuring out what to do.
in other words, i could be on vacation all the time.
now to figure out how to get paid to do that...

first day back at work was slow, as most of the studio wasnt in until tuesday, but come tuesday, man oh man. what a shit show.
i have to move my team down a floor and the logistics that go into planning are definitely enough to give me grey hair. or at least get me to drink this month. yeesh.
im not sleeping well because of it, but only two more days and its done.
i think that the worst of it ended yesterday. i *think*....

ill be in at work on saturday as well, to make sure the move goes smoothly.
yay? not.. the only good thing about that is that i get paid overtime and that i have no excuse to not go to the gym that day as well..

im also really stressed about my job in general.
i feel very stuck right now, and unappreciated in the way that i can do so much for and i feel that no one takes me seriously.
i know i am greatly appreciated for what i do do for them, so i cant say that im ignored.
for the most part they have been good to me, but i want to do more, and im frustrated beyond belief at being told to 'keep doing the great job' im doing, and in SIX MONTHS they'll do a reassessment of cost of living and the like.
ive been doing this 'great job' for two years now, and no raise.
what on earth is my motivation really, to keep doing it.. for the promise that they will look into it? but no promise of any changes??
i want out. i love the team so much, but i want out.
boo.

and on that happy skippy note, im going to head to work and hit the gym.

its jan 7 today, and on feb 7 ill be landing in copenhagen.
holy crap, i simply cannot wait..

2010

lets see how this goes.. with the new year and all...

2009 was a crap year for me. sure good things happened, but some bad shit happened too, and those things seem to crowd my memories, so out with it.

if i want to believe in karma, then maybe i brought it all on myself. what lesson did i need to learn this past year? and did i pay enough attention to learn it? here's hoping.

i lost friends, lost respect for other friends, was used and abused (not physically, thank goodness), lied to and cheated.

i also met new great people, had life turn around a few times, yes for the better, and learned alot. about life and myself and where my place in the world might be. even if it was only a hint.

all in all, however, im excited to see the new year in.

i spent it in a fashion i have never done, which was to go to a party with a few people i work with, whom i never spend any time with, and meet their friends and significant others. new friendships were formed and i couldnt be happier about it. i had thought about relocating later in the night, but when the time came, i was happy where i was, and that was enough for me.

so here's to a year of doing what makes you happy. whatever that may be.
i know im going to do my best this year to figure out what that is.
ive tried before to be more selfish and look out for myself, but i still go back to putting too much dependancy on others.
no one will look out for my best interests more than myself. i know this, now its time to put it into practice.

happy new years everyone. whatever that means to you.
i hope you make it a good one.

arg

yep. the cat isnt working.
we are way too different to live together.
he is far far too needy. and not that that is a bad thing, its just too needy for me.
he needs to be in a home where someone is home all the time and wants to be smothered in kitty love. i am not that person.
when i get home, i want to relax on my own a bit, and not have a kitty stuck to me, licking my toes, and mewing at me.
/sigh
i feel bad, i do, and im not sure where to go from here.
i let his previous owner know that its not working, and that id try to give it a bit more time, but that i really think he needs to be in a different home where he can get all of the love and attention that he needs/craves.

oh, and on a side note, and not a pleasant one, he puked on my couch last night.
not really helping his case much.

ugh. boo. happy sunday?

no bloggin

so i guess i dont have much to say
or much time to say it

i look at other peoples blogs and i dont think that i have so much interesting things to say or events to share.
facebook seems to cover most of my social life...
this was supposed to be somewhere that i could yap about my feelings and stuff that i was too 'embarrassed' to share publicly, but its just turned into a self pity whine fest.

maybe ill write more soon?
who knows..
for right now, it looks like blogger has given up hope on me...

ill see what i can do
life has just been so crazy that i dont even read anyone elses blogs anymore (sorry!!)

thats all i got.

oh, i got a cat.
more on that later?
maybe i can turn this into his blog...

give credit where credit is due

today started out good, but then got bad at the end.

im tired of busting my ass for a company that seems to only be able to give verbal acknowledgement.
dont get me wrong, i do enjoy actually hearing that my work is appreciated, and its nice that some people are willing to vocalize that, but i cant pay off my debt with praises.
ive been at the company for over a year and a half, worked my ass off, and no sign of a raise or extra time off or anything.
i am the one that has to go out and buy all the gifts and rewards for people that work hard, so i see what everyone gets.
and no, im not being jealous or greedy. i dont need to be matched. but i would like is some fairness.
these guys get paid heaps more than i do, and yet, they go for the lunches at nice places on the company card, and take weeks off at a time, and get all these kick backs, and i get paid over time.

oh, they are making it so i never have to work over time anymore, so there goes that perk.

i had someone have a big fit today and try to tell my manager that i dont do my job, because two things fell through the cracks. of the hundreds that i do every week!
its only because this person doesnt work close by me to see what i do, so they only know what they make up in their head i guess.
this person also made a show about a month ago about wanting to get to know me more cause we dont get to work close together.
guess what, this isnt the way to do it.

instead, this has further crushed my spirit.
made me that much more despondent to what is going on at work.

trouble is, am i running away from my problems?
is a fresh start really that, or is it hiding?

i am becoming more and more introspective the further this goes.
and depressed. there is a little of that going on.
maybe more than a little.
but when is the corey time?
i dont even know.

i was at work for 12 hours today, and i bet it doesnt make a lick of difference to this person.

i should add that my manager does know how hard i work and is backing me under this attack and is trying to difuse this person. but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

i dont want to be under-apprecaited anymore.


welcome to my emo blog.

yep

its been a month since that last post.
or at least i think it has been.

i cant figure out why the date doesnt show up.
every setting i look at seems to point towards it being there.
suggestions?

work is crazy.
im burnt out.
im not happy.

planning a big trip for feb to miss the olympics here.
how big.. that is the question...

i was almost hit by a lady today who didnt fully stop at a stop sign.
i actually had to jump to my right so she didnt hit me on the left.
the she shook her head at me.
i yelled.
i wish i had yelled more or gotten her to answer more for her neglect of pedestrian safety.

my kitchen faucet drips, and its right behind me.
haaaaaaaaaaaate that sound.
ive asked to have it fixed. lord knows when that will be.
i also got them to turn the heat on in the building today, cause its freakin freezing in here.
i dont know how much good it will do.
this place is fine for now, but not forever. i dont like it *that* much..

my arm is almost done too, so that is at least some good news?
one more sit to finish up my shoulder.

and now, i leave you with me at lost lake in whistler last weekend.

island time

Tgif
Seriously

I am on the ferry right now, waiting to depart for nanaimo, where my brother and fam will pick me up and whisk me off to courtenay.

(Disclaimer (for those that pay attenetiony) my blackberry automatically capitalizes at the start of sentences and its a pain to correct every time. So there ya go, otherwise it wouldn't happen. Just trying out this blackberry mobile oposting deal. Might strengthen my drive to get an iphone or blackberry for myself, as this is works. But I digress..)

Its been a long and stressful week at work. They all seem to be that way these days.. Two more weeks in my crap apartment.. Ugh! I need a vacation. So while it will be good to see the fam and fabulously adorable Emmett (ok he gets capitalization cause he is my fav), this will be stressful in its own way. Most times I want to strangle my sister-in-law. We'll see how it goes.

Now that I have survived the full bus ride to the ferry terminal, full of stupid hippies, I am now stowed away in a nice seat away from most people. I love corners. I can sit back and enjoy this ride with my music and cheezies, the official snack of ferry riding. (As per me, as its been that way all my life)

And now, to see if I can add a picture..

so

i dont blog anymore

its funny cause it think about it all the time.

i am blaming the fact that i hate where i live so much that it sucks my will to do anything when i get home.
that and work has been insane.

the good news?
im moving in three weeks!

then i will live alone again!
im taking over a friends place, and she is leaving alot of her furniture for me to use til her and her man get a bigger place, so i dont have to aquire new stuffs. this works perfectly for me.

my plan?
to be much happier in my new spot!
maybe start having some energy to do things like talk to friends and blog and exercise.
yes, you read that right, blogging does come before exercise.
maybe ill use it to push myself to exercise more?
who knows...

but til then.. i think of you guys... and try to find time to read blogs..
but i just dont feel like it when i get... here.
come on three weeks! fly by!!!!

yeah so...

my house smells when you walk in
it smells of stale, stagnant, sweaty boy.
its the only way i can describe it.
honest.

also
have i mentioned that i hate getting tattooed?
cause i do
this point is trumped by the fact that steve is astounding at what he does
like whoa
ill have pics off my camera tomorrow
right now i need sleep
the nyquil kicked my ass
i saw my friend terry afterwards and hardly remember the conversation
he must have thought i was out to lunch

tomorrow, when i get home, i will post pics of the new dino friends
and also of vegas
before i go back over to siobhan and cohens, cause im cat sitting for a week while they are in new york.

they are really the cutest

i cant take credit for that pic, its siobhans
ill take some of my own though
but for now, good night

home again

ill get pictures and updates up soon.
for now id like to restate that i hate having a roommate.

i havent been in the house for a week and a half roughly.
i got home around 11 pm last night.
sink is full of dirty dishes, dishwasher is full of dirty dishes.
no glasses to use.
since the sink is so full, i dont really want to cook either.

he knew when i was coming back.
make some sort of fucking effort?!?

fuck this...
i cant wait to get out...

blarg

i hate... well, alot right now.
but im being dramatic.

there is alot of stress at work right now, due to one 'coworker' thinking they are way better than the rest of us, and actually going behind our backs to sabatoge us.
its documented.
and their manager is out of office til friday. has been for two weeks.
amazing.

so, hopefully when i am back from my week away, they will be gone.
that would be super.

so, as per my earlier post, harper-lee is in town.
we went out tonight.
i dont know if it was a combo of my stress, and lack of money, and ...a full moon?
i just dont know, but i wasnt into it.
i am in a hermit mood, and i had to be out.
i dont like to be forced to do stuff, but sometimes... *sometimes* i am too nice to say it.
i did say it later in the eve, but i was already out so what did that do?

basically, i was out when i didnt want to be in public, and spending some few dollars that i dont have to spend on being out when i dont need to be.
and they were getting other rounds, so then i feel obliged to pay as well.
and i dont have it.
so that not only makes me feel cheap, but it just makes me feel bad too.
like, i cant keep up. not like i need to, but its this weird thing i have.
so i didnt have a good night.
i just want to go home and be alone.
i dont want to be here and feel like i have to go out.
but i will. whatever.
ill just eat dollar slice pizza. i dont know.
arg.

two more days.
AND THEN.

i fly to albuqueque, NM for a day of hang outs with my friend jamie!
and then we road trip it through arizona to las vegas!!!
then its five days in vegas with my besties.
i am so excited for that!!

i am also extra excited cause this year i decided to afford a room alone.
(hence my stress about spending money where i dont need to here)
my own sanctuary. ill need it.

man, these next two days cant go by fast enough!
so much to do at work. boo.
and my camera battery died so you get nothing else.

until later!

really?

ok, i know i have catching up to do. but maybe now it will be more like a surprise to see when the pics appear?
maybe...

the first week back at work was tough. some things changed, and when you like things the way they are, its hard to get used to the change. but ill manage.

finally getting settled in the new place. it will come together for sure.
carpets get shampooed this weekend, so while that is good news, it will be annoying as i wont be able to be home for a while til they dry a bit..

went to a good friends baby shower last sunday. it was so good to see her.
im actually happy that i should be here for when her little girl is born.
she is due in six weeks and i couldnt be happier for her.

it also makes me want to get over to the island to see my nephew soon.
man i love that guy.
if i can figure out how to post videos, i will post some of him.
so damn cute!

at the shower, i ran into my friend euvie, who actually went to denmark to do a year in school in copenhagen.
i asked her how it was, and she said that it was very hard.
she said that danish people were very hard to get to know, and didnt open up very quickly.
that when you opened up to them, they acted like you were crazy. or if they did open up, it was when they were drunk, and the next day acted like it never happened.
i dont know if its because she is russian that she had a different experience?
or maybe ive just met 'different' danes.

help me out here

i sent my resume off to my contact in denmark, who works in sweden.
he had written me to say that something came up in the sweden office.
its a marketing job. ive never done marketing.
but it looks very exciting and definately challenging.
it would be a great experience for sure.
after seeing my resume, they asked if i would be up for a video conference meeting, to say hello and put some faces to names.
we'll see what they say when i get in to work today. when that might happen.
i had to point out that although my resume says i took part in a bachelors degree program for accounting, i dont actually have a bachelors degree.
i dont know if that will matter at all.

i wish i had my vpn still, so i could log into my work email from home.
should have that back soon.

well, its almost 6 am.
ive been up since 3 for some reason.
yay for 4 hours of sleep. ill be a real treat today.
early to bed tonight for sure! right...
might as well get in the shower now and do my hair all nice.
just cause.
if it wasnt still pouring outside id walk to work.
stupid rain...

no subject

im having wierd days.
last night i was ready to go out and party, but my partiers (danielle and fry) were not into it.
we drank a bit in their room and then i came back to mine at midnight.

i tossed and turned for hours.
trolled the net.
ate some peanut butter and bread.
nothing.
around seven i slept a bit, but even then fitfully and interrupted.
got up around one, accomplished nothing much, and even tried to nap again.
fruitless.

i dont know how im feeling right now.
or rather, i cant figure it all out.
i love hawaii, but im tired of not having my actual space and my stuff.
im actually missing having a real life, and im anxious to get home and set my new place up.
i dont know what is going to happen for me right now.
i def need to save more in order to move, but i also need the world to right itself before i do so.
i hope that work wont try to force me to sign some 9 month contract, and can keep it short so i dont commit to too much.

i should be relaxed after all this vacation, but instead im stressed and wondering and unsure.
and unhappy.
i want a do over for 2009 thus far.
im not into it.
i just dont know.

and to top it all off, my bottom teeth are bugging me.
that sort of growing achey feeling they can get.
but they shouldnt be doing that.
my wisdom teeth are out an everything.
but ache they do.
harrumph.

things change..

so im not going to update about the rest of my trip really.

i did have a great time in florida, but its somewhat bittersweet now, and i dont really feel the need to log it here to look back at later.

texas was super fun and damn cold! it was all tattoo convention, with some flea market and beers mixed in. ok maybe cider too. and wine. and a couple tattoos. and ok, pretty heavy on the great people!!

back to work was wild. the layoffs have hit everyone pretty hard. i stop to talk to the guys here and there, and they are sad about friends that are gone now.

i extended my trip to hawaii by two weeks so i am not there from feb 7 to march 8. i can not wait! i need this relaxing forced to do nothing time, like whoa.

when i get back i will be working for two more months at my current job. they love me so much that they will do anything to keep me. its a good feeling. but it also makes it hard. its all hard right now.

i want more than anything to get out of vancouver. i do like it, much more than i felt about calgary when i left there, but i still feel like im stagnant in my life here. i need to get out and do something new, something different. find whatever it is that i am looking for. but this whole damn world wide economy crashing thing is scary!

is it smarter to stay put where i have the best paying job of my life, and wait til things look better to move? will that even happen in the near future? no one can say. arg.

ill see how i feel after hawaii.

so far january 2009 has been mostly about bad timing. im super ready for february to happen.
i will spend it in hawaii so it cant be all that bad. as for march and my return, i will be moving back into the building i lived in before this one, with my friend steve. my rent will be 120 cheaper a month, and there is laundry in house! that, in itself, is exciting. also, i get my own bathroom in my room! oh yeah. i dont have any furniture left really, so ill have my futon for a bed, my old chair thats been around for longer than i have in my family, and some odds and ends.

in a way im sad to leave this apartment, but ive been here for 4 years almost. time for something new. the new one will be dingy and a bit scummy. ah well. adventure!

i feel like im 20 again and moving out for the first time. it should be scarier or worrying more than it is, but im excited for it. its time i loosened up a little again. ill be saving more money for that move that will happen soon soon soon.

oh, also, to start the new feb, i have an appointment with deandra on tuesday. remember that pic of me with 'short hair'? yeah... eek!

so tired

i didnt get home til after 2 this morning. i am SO tired!
nothing of any note happened.
it was a fun party, but small.
i waited til the end for my friend to be done, so we could share a cab home in the cold.
everyone was pretty wasted by then, so im sure i was being grumpy.
ah well.

i did get ahold of a company yesterday that can ship my stuff to denmark though!
and for waaaaay cheaper than i thought too!
by sea it will take about 4 weeks.
i just hope i dont run into issues with customs when i go to pick it up..
only one way to find out!!

ok, i have to go to work.
man im tired...

i dont get it

please explain to me why a girl who cant be more than 16 or 17, needs to wear these over her jeans to a metallica concert. like, i get that she wants to "look good" and "be sexy" but that is not happening with the rumpled jeans that are bursting out of these... and she'll be standing for the concert i imagine.

are you going to meet your next boyfriend there? dreamy.
so many douchebags and bangers outside that show.

dont get me wrong. i love me some old metallica, but ive seen them once, and looking at the crowd that goes here, ill leave it at that.














on an entirely different topic, my shoulder is very tight and ouchie, and hurts when i try to roll over on it. cause im a side sleeper. i cant wait til i can lay on that side of my body again. boo.

philbur is starting to peel/flake. but very very thin light flakes. never had it like this before. seems like a good thing to me so far...

bad sock day

dont socks know that they are supposed to stay on your feet? my right sock kept falling down my foot today.. so i could feel it slide over my heel and into my shoe. what the heck sock?! know your role! TO BE ON MY FOOT. not under it. gawd.

sick

i was going to update tonight with pictures and all that good stuff, but instead, i am sick. feel sorry for me. i am achey everywhere and i have a headache and im cold and whiny and blah blah blah. my throat hurts and is scratchy, and i can feel my sinuses plugging at the back and sometimes i can feel it in my ear canal. boo.

everyone at work has been sick, and i did such a good job of fighting it off for so long, but i think my body is tired of working so hard and not getting enough rest or relaxation so its taking matters into its own hands..

im going to go grump on my couch with my big fluffy blankts and watch what not to wear til i fall asleep.

hope i feel better tomorrow.