if i dont think about it, maybe it wont happen

so, much as im loathe to say it, i leave denmark tomorrow.
i simply cannot believe that 3 weeks has gone by already.
words cannot express how sad i am that its all done for this round, im really in a funk about it.
im being a bad friend right now actually.  everyone is at the new shop getting it ready for opening day tomorrow, and i am here at home (home!!!) reorganizing my suitcases so that they dont go over-weight and just generally feeling sorry for myself. 
i really do not want to leave.

this has been a totally different experience from my last trip in summer 2006.
that was an in/out 3 days extravaganza that was mostly tours and museums.
this was... living.

i could not have done it without amalie and allan.  not for 2 seconds.
truly two of the greatest people ive met in a long time.
not only have they been great and fun friends both online and in person at conventions, but they opened up their home to me and treated me like a roommate.
that has been a major part of my loving being here.  just feeling like i belong.
im going to miss them so much when i get back home.

the apartment itself is just cozy and inviting.  the way my home used to be before i got rid of all my retro and collectable things.  thinking i was somehow 'growing up' or 'maturing' or some crap like that.
like i cant just have a bunch of shit in my house!
clearly i could and i can again.  this place is amazing!

im going to miss my bread and cheese meals.
im going to miss lucifer swimming on the couch.
star trek tng is just never going to be the same anywhere else..

im already looking at my next trip here, and turning the wheels faster to figure out how to move.
it seems so easy in a thought, but there is so much to account for.  sigh.

i have a meeting tomorrow morning with a games studio here in town, but that is just to meet and get aquainted with my skillset.  not job openings right now.
but that could pay off!  keep your fingers crossed that it does.
so with that going on, tomorrow will be crazy.
meeting in the morning, run back home, head to bus station?
i hope there is more time than that, but i should be at the airport for 1230-1 at the latest.
so yeah, its going to be a tight day.   boo.

externally, i probably look like a lump right now.  passive blank face.  just sitting here looking vacant.
internally im having a total heart breaking temper tantrum.  sadly, i will still get on that plane tomorrow.

im sure amsterdam will be fun, but my heart will be here.
then its home to try and get back into the swing of my life there, and figure some things out.

at least i have a ton of new shoes to run around in....

2010

lets see how this goes.. with the new year and all...

2009 was a crap year for me. sure good things happened, but some bad shit happened too, and those things seem to crowd my memories, so out with it.

if i want to believe in karma, then maybe i brought it all on myself. what lesson did i need to learn this past year? and did i pay enough attention to learn it? here's hoping.

i lost friends, lost respect for other friends, was used and abused (not physically, thank goodness), lied to and cheated.

i also met new great people, had life turn around a few times, yes for the better, and learned alot. about life and myself and where my place in the world might be. even if it was only a hint.

all in all, however, im excited to see the new year in.

i spent it in a fashion i have never done, which was to go to a party with a few people i work with, whom i never spend any time with, and meet their friends and significant others. new friendships were formed and i couldnt be happier about it. i had thought about relocating later in the night, but when the time came, i was happy where i was, and that was enough for me.

so here's to a year of doing what makes you happy. whatever that may be.
i know im going to do my best this year to figure out what that is.
ive tried before to be more selfish and look out for myself, but i still go back to putting too much dependancy on others.
no one will look out for my best interests more than myself. i know this, now its time to put it into practice.

happy new years everyone. whatever that means to you.
i hope you make it a good one.

the way it goes

*shakes fist at this murphy person*

why is it that the people you want to hit on you, dont.
and the ones you dont, do?

a guy at work, who is a friend and doesnt stand a chance to become more than that (and not cause he isnt a great guy he just totally isnt for me), sent me a message today that i looked really cute.
im pretty sure he has a crush on me, but doesnt push it cause we are friends.
and i want it to stay that way.

but there ARE boys at work that i wouldnt be opposed to receiving messages like this from.

ah well, such is life.

i listed my motorcycle on craiglist last night, and now have to deal with calls and emails to try and get it out of my hands. i better go downstairs and make sure that it starts up fine now...

if it doesnt, i might just light it on fire when it sits...

vegas trip!

ok. vegas. wow.
first off, 6 days is way too long to be there.

i flew to albequerque, nm on the saturday.
brutally hungover i might add.
landed, saw jamies shop, evolution, and then begged to go to his house to pass out.
which i did.
we then went for some dinner (pizza), a drink (so needed) and were off to flagstaff, az for the night.
the next morning we drove through the hoover dam and saw that, then continued on to vegas!!!

dont really know what to say about that.
it was amazing.
i dont think i have felt that happy in the last two years, as when i was there with all my friends.
and my friends that are in the modification lifestyle sort of thing.
it just felt so good, i cant describe it.

the pool was amazing.
the hot tubs were open all night long. trouble.
make outs were had and enjoyed. (!)
i went to see the cirque de soliel show, love, which is all done to beatles music.
best. show. ever.
i loved it. cant wait to see it again.

friends were reconnected with
new friends were made
adventures had
one roller coaster rode
fun fun fun and love in my heart
too many hugs to count

i miss it already

starting out from flagstaff, az

yes. no explanation necessary

get your kicks on route 66

jamie and i at the hoover dam!

view as we drove over

almost there!

i heart lysa so bad. i miss her lots too

the ladies! christine, lysa, tasha, steph, julia and her sister

my favs! jamie and leo!

gregg! i may see him again in long beach!

my friend adam that i havent seen for 5 years!