give credit where credit is due

today started out good, but then got bad at the end.

im tired of busting my ass for a company that seems to only be able to give verbal acknowledgement.
dont get me wrong, i do enjoy actually hearing that my work is appreciated, and its nice that some people are willing to vocalize that, but i cant pay off my debt with praises.
ive been at the company for over a year and a half, worked my ass off, and no sign of a raise or extra time off or anything.
i am the one that has to go out and buy all the gifts and rewards for people that work hard, so i see what everyone gets.
and no, im not being jealous or greedy. i dont need to be matched. but i would like is some fairness.
these guys get paid heaps more than i do, and yet, they go for the lunches at nice places on the company card, and take weeks off at a time, and get all these kick backs, and i get paid over time.

oh, they are making it so i never have to work over time anymore, so there goes that perk.

i had someone have a big fit today and try to tell my manager that i dont do my job, because two things fell through the cracks. of the hundreds that i do every week!
its only because this person doesnt work close by me to see what i do, so they only know what they make up in their head i guess.
this person also made a show about a month ago about wanting to get to know me more cause we dont get to work close together.
guess what, this isnt the way to do it.

instead, this has further crushed my spirit.
made me that much more despondent to what is going on at work.

trouble is, am i running away from my problems?
is a fresh start really that, or is it hiding?

i am becoming more and more introspective the further this goes.
and depressed. there is a little of that going on.
maybe more than a little.
but when is the corey time?
i dont even know.

i was at work for 12 hours today, and i bet it doesnt make a lick of difference to this person.

i should add that my manager does know how hard i work and is backing me under this attack and is trying to difuse this person. but that doesnt make it hurt any less.

i dont want to be under-apprecaited anymore.


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